my bf and i...we have serious communication problem. this is the furthest we go in communication about our communication problem.

dude. i feel like we can't communicate on a deeper level, you know what i mean?

no i don't.

no, don't give me that. say something constructive.

cement. bricks.

what?

u know. constructive.

i am amazed u can still walk.

what?

u know. lame.

speaking proper english kills

Ah Beng: eh, y u looking at me? wan to fight izit?

Nerdy: umm no- to both questions, actually. I wasn't casting a glance in your direction.

Ah Beng: eh. wad toking u huh. i see u look at me first.

Nerdy: sir, that's logically flawed. You see, YOU would have to be looking at me first, if you could catch that very moment that I turned to cast a glance at you, which I most certainly, to the best of my very vast knowledge and thick glasses, didn't. At least not until you chatted me up. Also, your manner of speech is hard to grasp. You should be saying: "What are you talking about? I caught you looking at me first."

Ah Beng: k*n*n*b*c*c*b* $#%@ ka kia, show him our logik arrr!!

Nerdy: it's logic, not logik. You might also like to paraphrase- "Let him have a taste of our logic" sounds more menacing. What's ka kia, by the way?

Auditions for A Story About Life now on!!

Join the once in a lifetime opportunity to feature in a production and be spotted by the producer's exclusively few friends now!! Sure beats existing as a mere ornament to collect dust... So bring your friends and come on down to audition for the chance of your pretty short lifetime. (or shelf-life?)

What are you waiting for?

I sure hope they can read. And also own a computer. With Internet connection.

The mysteries of life: why skin is called the horny layer

Or rather, the mystery (at least until I think of more) of life.

Men who molest women publicly are (lecherous and disgusting aside, that we all know) thick-skinned. What then gives them the kick of touching women since they can’t really feel whatever they are touching too well due to their thick horny epidermal layers?

I think I should compile more mysteries of life and publish them into a book as my backup retirement plan. Oh wait, that was like, two mysteries in one. Whoppie! I can go publish my book on The Mysteries of Life NOW!


Posted in memory of bored buddy. May you rest in peace and not boredom.

i hate edible-litter bugs

There is only one thing worse than a litterbug, and that is litterbugs who throw edible litter. (I had to put that hyphen in the title in case people thought I hated to eat litter bugs. Not that it isn’t true; I’m vegetarian). I used to think that throwing edibles was better than throwing inedibles, cause edibles would decompose into bio-wadever anyway, and could also feed some smaller animals, after which the leftover would be carried away by a bunch of conscientious ants born into this world to do manual labour. What caused me to change my mind?

1. It causes domestic pets, namely greedy and oblivious Snowflake, to spend twenty minutes of her walking time eating some half-decomposed cuttlefish that someone discarded on the floor. The obvious problems with that?
A) I, as her owner, have to wait for her to eat up cause she is ferocious about guarding outside food. Outside food- hah.
B) She might fall sick from eating decomposed cuttlefish.
C) Her owner has to worry about her falling sick over decomposed cuttlefish.
D) And her bad breath.

2. It causes wild animals to grow dependant on foods that we humans throw onto the floor. It could cause an eco-imbalance as all animals started growing evolutionary dependences and innate inclinations and likings towards edible-litter bugs. This might in turn encourage them to litter since some animal is always there (and fighting) to clean up after them anyway. Or worse, if a human who had a common cold threw away some half-eaten germ-infested cuttlefish onto the floor and a bird ate it and developed bird flu, the bird would pass it on to us. How else do you think bird flu came about? I didn’t have to consult Google to know that. God, I’m ingenious.

3. It decomposes on the floor and contributes to nothing but bad smells and potential slipper-stickers. Look, if the person had thrown $$, everyone would run to pick it up. If the person had thrown non-edibles, someone is bound to either pick it up and throw it away (the cleaner), or pick it up as his/her own. But if you throw edibles, the cleaner might miss the litter, cause food, especially when decomposed, is of an earthy/ not-eye-catching colour (think banana skin). Even if it is not decomposed, foods are seldom brightly coloured, since nature’s colours are usually earthy. Can you imagine eating fluorescent green pear and neon pink apple?

4. Edible-litter bugs are themselves not edible (I think). I couldn’t even eat them alive to alleviate my sufferings. And I am not rich enough/ know any professional edible-litter bug killer that I could hire. And the last I remembered, pesticide did not work on litterbugs. I think the bug was too big for the small aerosol can.


I hate edible-litterbugs.

While i live i learn

How nice! My friends Buntan and Dish just dropped by my home to visit my water bottle me a minute ago, in the midst of their thirsty night jog. And guess how the creative darlings decided to spring a surprise on me? They threw the peanuts they were eating into my room. Two landed on the hard floor (I heard), and the last landed on my bed (I saw).

Upon hearing the first two peanuts, I had initially thought my roof was cracking and raining cement, and screamed for my dad to come in. It was then that I saw a peanut land on my bed from out the window, and took a peek. And saw the munchieing monkeys.

Thanks to Bun and Dish, I had the most enjoyable time holding a mini emergency peanut hunt in the midst of my urgent presentation preparation to ensure that no peanuts were harmed in the making of their visit, lest I step on a peanut and injure the sole of my foot the poor peanut. And to protect the peanuts from falling prey to ants. Yes, I am kind. I cannot bear to let even peanuts suffer.

While I live I learn. I learnt that I am a kind person. I learnt that my friends are creative and innovative people. I also learnt that it is unfortunately possible to eat peanuts and run at the same time.

i love my mother because i have no choice.

but this is what lets me love her wholeheartedly.

A story about LIFE

In the world where this story takes place, there exist many kinds of creatures.


Some are born cute.




Others are born fugly.



You can only blame the creator.



Fugly creatures like to be together. That way, they feel less out of place.


.
.
.
.
.

Most creatures are unique.


Once in a while, though, the creator buys too much green paper, and you end up with twins.


Twins are hard to tell apart, but you can always spot the differences, if you just look hard enough, because the creator didn't buy enough felt.

As twins grow up, they also adopt different habits. Some prefer the sun, others the water, so they turn a different shade as well, making themselves more distinguishable to the less observant ones.

.
.
.
.
.
.

And then there are the orthodox creatures...


and the unorthodox.


Sadly, the orthodox often gets the spotlight, as creatures are generally more willing to accept things that they are used to.


.
.
.
.
IT'S
TIME
FOR...
COMMERCIAL
BREAK!!!

ever
felt
that
for
once
you
ought
to
please
your
pissed
off
gf
who
finds
you
not
attentive
enough
?

get
her
a
handmade
original/
pirated
Hello
Kitty
NOW
!!!

she'll
never
(want to)
guess
that
you
didn't
make
them
yourself
!

each
of
the
starring
characters
are
on
sale
for
$20
each.

Hurry!!
while
mother's
interest
last.

.
.
.
.
This commercial break was proudly brought to you by GPT and fam.
Now, let's get back on track...


One day, media brought with tv the influx of influence from other countries. Some creatures gained popularity out of their homeland...


while localisation also occurred.

Maybe the little one lost its way and accidentally jumped out of an old time chinese vampire show.

.
.
.
.
.

Then, digitalised new media was introduced into the world. While there were only originals...


There now exists a couple of pirates.


.
.
.
.
.

However, regardless of specie or colour, they all live (whether or not they like it), in one small world, blissfully unaware of their creator.


.
.
.
.
.

CREDITS ROLL
The following story is made possible by my mom the talented creator of all these cuties and uglies you see here. For her first appearance, see "you can only blame the creator".

.
.
.
.
.
.

Yah, I know. it sounds 'unended'. But it takes my mom time to make more of the characters...be patient. There are ALWAYS sequels, like it or not. And if I make it sound properly ended, no one would tune in anymore.



IN THE MAKING (zhi zuo te ji)





Ok, that's all. Nobody reveals too much, because then it takes away all the magic (and their $$$).



N.G. FOOTAGE
This is the one benefit you get for viewing originals. Otherwise, there isn't much of a diff between d***loading, really.

*mameee!!! hello kitty not lidat one can. ya i know hello kitty is a cat, but it is popular precisely because it doesn't look like one*

*eeee...y the dog's tongue so long one? he looks like he's dying!! ok! stop cutting its poor tongue and leave it as it is. right. now he just looks plain fugly*

A difficult decision

Teachers in school always tell me that we have to be really careful about the important decisions we make in life. Hence, I have decided to analyse the situation in detail to ensure that I make an informed choice.

BACKGROUND INFO: The mitigating factor for why I made this $100 purchase of a spectacle frame half a year ago is because the kindly lady at the store told me that they would have spare crystals should any fall out, and in her own words, “not that it would”.

PROBLEM:


It fell out. Beware of kindly people and their promises.


THE INCIDENT:
Feeling deeply betrayed by her inability to keep a simple promise, I returned to the shop. Just as I guessed! Predicting that I would come after her one day, she had packed up and migrated to Norway. That probably explained her absence in the shop. I had to speak to this other kindly (!!!) guy. “Excuse me, the crystal fall out already. How ar? Can repair?”

“Oh, we’re sorry. We do not offer such services.”

“What??!! You evil *&%$# pig!! You’re in cahoots with that lady aren’t you? You guys plotted to cheat my $100 right from the start!”

*taken aback* “My fair lady, you misunderstand me.”


DILEMMA:
He then said: “We can send your frame to the agent, but I am uncertain as to whether they have any spare crystals. Please bring your frame to us by this Sunday, as the agent comes every Monday. However, there is no guarantee that they have the crystals and also, it would take a week.”


PROS AND CONS:
CONS of trying my luck: The agent might not have the spare crystals. This would mean a whole week of being a blind bat all in vain. On a darker note, the agent might rob my spectacles of its 21 other crystals to restore 21 other similar frames to their former glory, and return my glasses crystal-less and then maintain that it died a meaningful death.

PROS of trying my luck: I could be one of the lucky 21, and the kindly lady could then fulfill her promise to me.


What should I do?

Why bad people are bad

Because I have a ton of work piled up beside me, the obvious thing to do is to avoid starting on them. i decided to start a pointless conversation with my dad.

"Daddy, why are kids seldom bad? They can be naughty, but seldom are they bad."

"Bad people are bad because they are not satisfied or contented. Kids tend to get what they (fundamentally) need from their parents, and hence are provided for. Hence there is no incentive/need to be bad since they are satisfied. And of course, there's tv."

*Magic Bullet Theory whizzes past my head*

Daddy continues. "There is no point learning 100 good things from tv, and learning one bad thing. It doesn't matter that you helped 100 people if you killed one. I'm going to bed now. Good night."


I stared at the pile of work again. I decided to blog.

-done-

I stared at the pile of work again. I decided to continue blogging.

My gifted education tuition kid asked me yesterday why his friend tumbled down a flight of stairs and emerged unscathed.

"Oh, cause your friend is imaginary."

In the midst of constructing my identity

I do not like to blog very much. It majorly stresses me out. It's like, should I be funny, boring, serious, intellectual or crappy? Each word I type reflects who I am, or at least who I think I am, or worse, who I want to become. The problem is then major writer’s block, since I want to become nothing. Or more precisely, I have yet to decide if I should become a slacker in life and collect dust as my hobby, or be a serious intellectual boring woman who collects dust. Hence I cannot decide whether to adopt a boring, crappy or intellectual tone. As you can see, I am a pessimist and chronic worrier who obsesses about every nitty gritty detail in life- why is that woman leaving a distance of 0.5 metres between her and the next commuter? If she moves in by 0.3 metres, I think ½ a person would be able to squeeze up the bus. That evil bitch just caused half a person to be late for work, and then dissed by his rich boss, who has never had to squeeze into public transport in his life. Obviously, my mind makes life very hard to pass by. I don’t like it very much. As you can see, I don’t like many things very much.

Besides, it's hard to type and think when you have a mother who cannot but loves to sing in the background. She is also a full-time housewife. Currently, I am feeling that life is meaningless, and she’s not helping. Much. Okay, maybe a little. She gives me the feeling of hope when she stops her singing for a moment. She also accidentally cooks well occasionally, which makes me appreciate food on these rare occasions. Like today. =)

Also known as 'lucky food', coz she can never replicate the good standard intentionally. With her, it's all luck. I can vouch for that.


I gather from other blogs that to be certified a true blue singaporean girl blogger, you've got to post random act-chio pics and 'pretend-it's-not-me-taking-the-pic-when-it-is-me-who-else' act-chio pics in almost every post. So here they are:


Random act-chio pic.


Random 'pretend-it's-not-me-taking-the-pic-when-it-is-me-who-else' act-chio pic


Random boy who puked on everyone in the car. Including me. and my borrowed dress. Pre-puke picture, omninously taken just when I was almost thinking kids could be cute. Posted in memory of mental note not to have kids.



Perfectly cemented ground debuting outside my doorstep. In exchange for continous loud drilling for days on end. And an enlightening revelation on the Conspiracy Theory of Foreign Workers. Under this theory, laborers intentionally make mistakes so they can drill, slap on cement, wait to dry, drill, slap on cement, and repeat cycle ten times to prolong their stay here. Don't get me wrong; I love that perfect piece of work done outside my doorstep. I think the Bangladesh loved it too, cause he rushed back again when he overheard my mother praising his work in Chinese on our doorstep. He thought that some homecoming and unwitting resident was going to leave her mark on HIS work before it dried, hence immortalising this disgraceful act of plagiarism.


And lastly, while the Japanese boast used underwear selling from vending machines, we have our very own umbrella vending machine. How exciting. Only $6!

i blame my parents

I went to Zouk on ND eve. Mistake mistake. I now have self-doubts as to whether my eyes actually exist (in the eyes of others). A bored me, lc and neat decided to ask a kind (looking), similarly bored guy standing outside the toilet to help us take a photo. Sure enough, he kindly agrees and took a shot. He checks out the shot on the LCD. The perils of technology.

"Oh, wait, I have to take another shot".
*points (not very kindly) to me*
"You closed your eyes!"



"No I didn't!" I try to explain."It's not my fault that my eyes are small, right?"

The club was too noisy. He went ahead and took another shot.


I focused as hard as I could to engage all my eye muscles so we wouldn't be spending the whole night (boring as it was) retaking shots to get one where my eyes were not 'closed.' I silently remind myself to stop hanging out with people whose eyes are bigger than mine. I don't care if this means I am doomed to die friendless.

It got worse on ND itself because I have a goldfish memory (but sadly not the eyes). I went out with Dish and her latest fling. Fling (who is an ang mor with typical huge ang mor eyes) insisted that he kept catching me catch forty winks. I was wide awake the whole time.

I have decided that I shall spend my first paycheck on a good pair of SUPER dark/reflective sunglasses to prevent future misfortunes.

my 1st posting that isn't schoolwork

Inspired by Mr. V* who encouraged me to start a blog, I have decided to write my first post. Apparently when I signed in, I realised I had already set up this blog I forgot about. It was really encouraging for myself to see that I had both adopted new technology since some time back, and also gone so far as to come up with a title for my blog. With this heartening realisation, I end my first (and maybe last) posting.


* Mr V. is a friend who is too lazy to start a blog.