photogenic, isn't she?
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
i am so excited. i just found out today i share the exact same ambitions as my idol tony leung.
Wong Kar Wai: Have you thought about what you'd do if you weren't an actor? What would be your ambition?
Tony Leung: Nothingness. I would most likely be engaged in nothingness. A state of nothingness and play!
WKW: If you must choose a profession, what would be your choice?
TL: [long pause] I'd still consider nothingness.
Excerpt from:
Interview, Sept, 2005, Wong Kar Wai
i think my love for him just grew.
Wong Kar Wai: Have you thought about what you'd do if you weren't an actor? What would be your ambition?
Tony Leung: Nothingness. I would most likely be engaged in nothingness. A state of nothingness and play!
WKW: If you must choose a profession, what would be your choice?
TL: [long pause] I'd still consider nothingness.
Excerpt from:
Interview, Sept, 2005, Wong Kar Wai
i think my love for him just grew.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
an apple a day keeps nightmares at bay
the studying of too many discourses in school is taking a toll on me.
the other day i had this dream. it was full of shit, like, literally.
in the dream, everyone was constipated. the capitalists had seized all control of vegetables and fruits, and then marketed them as a costly antidote to a widespread problem. it was their way of controlling the masses. constipation makes you miserable but you can still work.
it was a nightmare.
all i can say is, eat more veggies and fruits while they are still cheap.
the other day i had this dream. it was full of shit, like, literally.
in the dream, everyone was constipated. the capitalists had seized all control of vegetables and fruits, and then marketed them as a costly antidote to a widespread problem. it was their way of controlling the masses. constipation makes you miserable but you can still work.
it was a nightmare.
all i can say is, eat more veggies and fruits while they are still cheap.
you are my cockroach
what is god's all-time favourite creature?
ans: the cockroach.
it's the only creature that's survived through everything...ice age..cyclones..and everything in between from 300 million years ago.
i tell you, after the whole bout of global warming blows over the only thing that's going to be left behind is a cockroach.
what other organism can boast of having eaten everything from dinosaur carcasses to curry-favoured twisties?
so next time you want to let someone know she is as precious to you as god's favourite creature is to Him, send her a cockroach. flowers are SO passé.
ans: the cockroach.
it's the only creature that's survived through everything...ice age..cyclones..and everything in between from 300 million years ago.
i tell you, after the whole bout of global warming blows over the only thing that's going to be left behind is a cockroach.
what other organism can boast of having eaten everything from dinosaur carcasses to curry-favoured twisties?
so next time you want to let someone know she is as precious to you as god's favourite creature is to Him, send her a cockroach. flowers are SO passé.
Monday, February 25, 2008
fur-ious
have you ever wondered how eating a clump of fur would feel like?
there's no need to wonder anymore.
this is how it looks like, at least.
(and i can assure you, they taste like fur more than they look.)
these furballs are supposedly a kind of mushroom. why, i would have been overjoyed to be this particular specie, if i were a mushroom. i would have thought that i was safe, because no one likes having fur in their mouths, except for lions and other meat-eating carnivores. and that's cause they don't have a choice; it's not everyday that you manage to hunt down some humans. they cheat. some of them even have guns. it's tough to be a lion nowadays.
next time a kid asks you which animal is the king of the jungle, say: the lion, but not anymore. every other animal moved out of the jungle cause they didn't want to be associated with a king who doubles up as the mascot of a courtesty campaign and has a tail where his legs should be.
no wonder lions always roar and look furious.
speaking of lions, doesn't the mushroom look just like the mane of a lion?
there's no need to wonder anymore.
this is how it looks like, at least.
(and i can assure you, they taste like fur more than they look.)
these furballs are supposedly a kind of mushroom. why, i would have been overjoyed to be this particular specie, if i were a mushroom. i would have thought that i was safe, because no one likes having fur in their mouths, except for lions and other meat-eating carnivores. and that's cause they don't have a choice; it's not everyday that you manage to hunt down some humans. they cheat. some of them even have guns. it's tough to be a lion nowadays.
next time a kid asks you which animal is the king of the jungle, say: the lion, but not anymore. every other animal moved out of the jungle cause they didn't want to be associated with a king who doubles up as the mascot of a courtesty campaign and has a tail where his legs should be.
no wonder lions always roar and look furious.
speaking of lions, doesn't the mushroom look just like the mane of a lion?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
don't 'bat' an eyelid
i'm pretty certain i was a bat in my previous life. here's how i came to this depressing conclusion:
1. i only feel sleepy with the lights on/ i have problems falling asleep at night.
2. i am 3.5 times more efficient at night than in the day.
3. having reborn into this life without wings or an ability to suck blood, my subconscious desires see me doing a 12,000 word thesis on sanitary pads.
4. i hate sun (having been brown/black the whole of my past life, i strive to remain white as i can this time round).
5. i'm blind (as a bat) when it comes to men i date.
6. i suffer from identity crisis all the time; am i a mouse or bird or wad?
arrrrghhhh.... while others boast of being king arthur or buddha's reincarnation, i was a friggin' bat.
1. i only feel sleepy with the lights on/ i have problems falling asleep at night.
2. i am 3.5 times more efficient at night than in the day.
3. having reborn into this life without wings or an ability to suck blood, my subconscious desires see me doing a 12,000 word thesis on sanitary pads.
4. i hate sun (having been brown/black the whole of my past life, i strive to remain white as i can this time round).
5. i'm blind (as a bat) when it comes to men i date.
6. i suffer from identity crisis all the time; am i a mouse or bird or wad?
arrrrghhhh.... while others boast of being king arthur or buddha's reincarnation, i was a friggin' bat.
"dui shen"
it hit me one day that everyone should be learning a revamped pronunciation of "tuition", especially the aunties paying for it.
singlish pronunciation: tiew shien
revamped pronunciation: dui2 shen4
here's why:
if you spend a lot of $$ on tuition for your kid and he doesn't do well, you feel damn dui2 (hokkien term) and when that happens, you get freaking stressed and that in turn affects your shen4 (kidney).
there you go.
everyone, repeat after me- dui2 shen4!
singlish pronunciation: tiew shien
revamped pronunciation: dui2 shen4
here's why:
if you spend a lot of $$ on tuition for your kid and he doesn't do well, you feel damn dui2 (hokkien term) and when that happens, you get freaking stressed and that in turn affects your shen4 (kidney).
there you go.
everyone, repeat after me- dui2 shen4!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
my latest ambition is pri sch science textbook writer
i was just pondering upon what reality was, and realised that our perception and belief of 'reality' is only mediated and understood through our five senses. anything that you cannot see, smell, touch, hear or taste is not 'real', since we are unable to experience reality through other senses.
why not feelings, emotions then, i wonder.
because: science was/is dominated by males, and this unfeeling, overly-rational specie has decided that feelings do not form what we know today as 'reality'. it's all in the head, they say. not something tangible you can see smell touch hear or taste.
is the experience of heartbreak any less real than touching a cold table or sniffing a zesty lemon?
i say, forget ESP. it's time we protested and officially make 'feeling' our sixth sense. from today on, all primary school children should be able to rattle offhand the six senses that they experience the world with.
why not feelings, emotions then, i wonder.
because: science was/is dominated by males, and this unfeeling, overly-rational specie has decided that feelings do not form what we know today as 'reality'. it's all in the head, they say. not something tangible you can see smell touch hear or taste.
is the experience of heartbreak any less real than touching a cold table or sniffing a zesty lemon?
i say, forget ESP. it's time we protested and officially make 'feeling' our sixth sense. from today on, all primary school children should be able to rattle offhand the six senses that they experience the world with.
traumatic experiences bring people closer
went to try turkish food with my bf for the first time in my life. i read the intro page of the menu. part of it said: turkish food tastes unlike any other cuisine.
i had to agree.
this were the remains of a platter we had with pita bread
the pizza
and this was our conversation:
i think i just saw a housefly fly over, hover over the platter then the pizza, and fly off.
u mean, it didn't even land on anything?
ya. i think there must be no houseflies in turkey.
*takes more bites*
i think u can gather ur boardgame-playing friends here, order a platter, and play loser-eat.
He ends the dinner with: i think we can market this like citronella. natural housefly repellant or something.
you know how some people say traumatic experiences bring a couple closer? i couldn't agree more.
don't you feel closer already, i ask him.
no, he replies. i feel nauseous.
i had to agree.
this were the remains of a platter we had with pita bread
the pizza
and this was our conversation:
i think i just saw a housefly fly over, hover over the platter then the pizza, and fly off.
u mean, it didn't even land on anything?
ya. i think there must be no houseflies in turkey.
*takes more bites*
i think u can gather ur boardgame-playing friends here, order a platter, and play loser-eat.
He ends the dinner with: i think we can market this like citronella. natural housefly repellant or something.
you know how some people say traumatic experiences bring a couple closer? i couldn't agree more.
don't you feel closer already, i ask him.
no, he replies. i feel nauseous.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
a walk down lecture lane
imagine this: you see yummy toffee pecan lollies going half price at your favourite supermarket.
you get really excited, and step away to open the chiller door.
you take a closer look at the words plastered on the door.
and realise that you do not want to look like toffee, pecans, or a slob of cream.
you walk away from the ice cream section, wondering what the hell the store manager was thinking...
towards the fried foods section...
then the whipped cream corner...
you only have one body, don't make it look like you have two.
here is where pretzels, doughnuts and pizzas are kept chilled.
and remember, eat lightly.
you walk out the door without buying anything.
you get really excited, and step away to open the chiller door.
you take a closer look at the words plastered on the door.
and realise that you do not want to look like toffee, pecans, or a slob of cream.
you walk away from the ice cream section, wondering what the hell the store manager was thinking...
towards the fried foods section...
then the whipped cream corner...
you only have one body, don't make it look like you have two.
here is where pretzels, doughnuts and pizzas are kept chilled.
and remember, eat lightly.
you walk out the door without buying anything.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
my central discoveries
just went to Central, the relatively new shopping mall. here is what i found:
their chairs are not very conducive for chats. they're more appropriate for musical chairs. anyone wanna go there and play with me?
they have pretty pretty shops.
they sell amazing products that can make english letters pass off as japanese...
and even korean characters. admirable, isn't it?
their chairs are not very conducive for chats. they're more appropriate for musical chairs. anyone wanna go there and play with me?
they have pretty pretty shops.
they sell amazing products that can make english letters pass off as japanese...
and even korean characters. admirable, isn't it?
my bus discoveries
i discovered a couple things sitting on the bus today.
look closely at this familiar design. notice where the designer gets his inspiration from?
the english alphabet! can you spot them? A...S..e...J...o...y...
singapore may not be as safe as we would like to believe.
look closely at this familiar design. notice where the designer gets his inspiration from?
the english alphabet! can you spot them? A...S..e...J...o...y...
singapore may not be as safe as we would like to believe.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
how to grow marigold and feel good about yourself
i usually kill every die-able thing i rear or keep (yes. you guessed right. the real reason behind my vegetarian diet is the need to atone for my numerous sins). hence, it came as a surprise to me that not only did my marigold not die on me, it grew to:
anyone who know my dark, murderous past would know this is one miracle. i call them my Merrygold because they make me merry whenever i see them, and i hope they bring me gold. let me share with you some tips on Growing Marigold and Feeling Good About Yourself:
1. firstly, before you do anything at all, get your mom's full approval and support. financially speaking, this makes sense. you don't want to have to pay for chicken shit, do you? the seeds may cost you $1.60, but pots and soil can cost you a fortune. haven't you heard of that saying? THEY reap (from) what you sow.
not to mention that if you do get her emotional support, she ends up tending for them. mothers and plants just go well together- they can understand each other; both keep contributing silently but never get acknowledged for their efforts.
2. get these Jiffy plant starters. they really live up to their name. these get your plants growing in a jiffy; the marigold grown directly into soil as compared to those grown using these look really different.
3. you know how they always say like dog, like owner? apprently this doesn't apply to plants. marigolds love sun. see, the only issue i have with them is their love of sunlight. if they weren't so insistent on having to have sunlight all the time, i could have them in the house. we would be inseparable.
4. lastly, snip off all dying flowers or the marigold will not last more than a year. marigolds are very dedicated and self-aware of their one true goal in life (shame on humans)- to propagate and then die off to make way for the future generation. if we all thought like marigolds, the government wouldn't have a headache over our rapidly aging population. i foresee a campaign to promote Merrygoldism soon- old is no longer gold. instead, drink, be merry, live fast and die young.
hmm..i'm good. i think i'll try for a government job after i graduate, to help in policy making.
told you growing marigold makes you feel good about yourself.
anyone who know my dark, murderous past would know this is one miracle. i call them my Merrygold because they make me merry whenever i see them, and i hope they bring me gold. let me share with you some tips on Growing Marigold and Feeling Good About Yourself:
1. firstly, before you do anything at all, get your mom's full approval and support. financially speaking, this makes sense. you don't want to have to pay for chicken shit, do you? the seeds may cost you $1.60, but pots and soil can cost you a fortune. haven't you heard of that saying? THEY reap (from) what you sow.
not to mention that if you do get her emotional support, she ends up tending for them. mothers and plants just go well together- they can understand each other; both keep contributing silently but never get acknowledged for their efforts.
2. get these Jiffy plant starters. they really live up to their name. these get your plants growing in a jiffy; the marigold grown directly into soil as compared to those grown using these look really different.
3. you know how they always say like dog, like owner? apprently this doesn't apply to plants. marigolds love sun. see, the only issue i have with them is their love of sunlight. if they weren't so insistent on having to have sunlight all the time, i could have them in the house. we would be inseparable.
4. lastly, snip off all dying flowers or the marigold will not last more than a year. marigolds are very dedicated and self-aware of their one true goal in life (shame on humans)- to propagate and then die off to make way for the future generation. if we all thought like marigolds, the government wouldn't have a headache over our rapidly aging population. i foresee a campaign to promote Merrygoldism soon- old is no longer gold. instead, drink, be merry, live fast and die young.
hmm..i'm good. i think i'll try for a government job after i graduate, to help in policy making.
told you growing marigold makes you feel good about yourself.
my love-hate relationship with library staff
lately i have been stuck in the Central Library in a futile bid to get started on my honours thesis..
Friday 11th jan
and it doesn't help that i am blur (i did say that i would TRY my best). i kept reserving the wrong stuffs cause i got the wrong numbers. i just knew i was bad with numbers. after the library staff carried thick heavy stacks amounting to years of Her World magazines to the counter (which takes an hour of waiting on my part), i realised i had made just a lil mistake. apparently HWM doesn't stand for Her World magazine. it stands for Her World Malaysia. i did the only rationale thing to do.
*call it a day and make quick getaway*
Monday 14th jan
i'm back! a weekend should erase all memories (and/or) bad feelings about the student who made them perform weight lifting for nothing.
*requests for more copies of Her World*
somehow, and i dunno just how, when i went to claim what i thought i had reserved, the malay librarian greeted me with copies of Jelita (some Malay mag) and some random honours thesis.
"wow, impressive, you can read Malay ar, girl!"
"erm..."
"wad u need so many mags for?"
"i need to..find some ads."
"wad kind of ads?"
"erm...sanitary pad ads."
"oh, u r a model ar."
i couldn't tell if it was a compliment.
"erm..no. i'm analysing them for a paper."
she proceeds to flip through Jelita and totters off to exclaim to another librarian about some woman she sees in the mag.
i call after her that she could have it and i run off.
i think i could be at this for years.
Friday 11th jan
and it doesn't help that i am blur (i did say that i would TRY my best). i kept reserving the wrong stuffs cause i got the wrong numbers. i just knew i was bad with numbers. after the library staff carried thick heavy stacks amounting to years of Her World magazines to the counter (which takes an hour of waiting on my part), i realised i had made just a lil mistake. apparently HWM doesn't stand for Her World magazine. it stands for Her World Malaysia. i did the only rationale thing to do.
*call it a day and make quick getaway*
Monday 14th jan
i'm back! a weekend should erase all memories (and/or) bad feelings about the student who made them perform weight lifting for nothing.
*requests for more copies of Her World*
somehow, and i dunno just how, when i went to claim what i thought i had reserved, the malay librarian greeted me with copies of Jelita (some Malay mag) and some random honours thesis.
"wow, impressive, you can read Malay ar, girl!"
"erm..."
"wad u need so many mags for?"
"i need to..find some ads."
"wad kind of ads?"
"erm...sanitary pad ads."
"oh, u r a model ar."
i couldn't tell if it was a compliment.
"erm..no. i'm analysing them for a paper."
she proceeds to flip through Jelita and totters off to exclaim to another librarian about some woman she sees in the mag.
i call after her that she could have it and i run off.
i think i could be at this for years.
Monday, January 14, 2008
men like women who like men
an excerpt from Female magazine back in the 1980s.
"Most women have not thought in any detail about whether or not they like men."
read: there could be many more lesbians out there than we imagined.
"In order to like men, it is necessary to go beyond fears and idealizations. You have to go beyond your own insecurities. In short, you have to learn to accept men."
read: i am a MCP who comes home from work and lies on the couch all night. You have any problems with that, you insecure bitch?
"Smart women like men after they demystify them."
read: all lesbians are un-smart. The only reason why they are not into the male specie is cause they lack the capability to understand them.
"Their (smart women's) emotional life doesn't prevent them from seeing men clearly."
read: 'smart women' don't cry even when they are emotional. If you stopped crying for a minute and dried your eyes your vision wouldn't be so blur you idiot!
"While women frequently think they understand men, much of what they know is determined by myth, cliché and stereotype."
read: hey, don't pigeon-hole us! not all men are couch potatoes. some men enjoy going to the gym and then admiring their new-found muscles in the mirror tirelessly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)