i got inspired by an evil friend who accused me of giving away his number to chatlines (why me?!) after receiving video calls of women (who were obviously not to his liking). i decided to call into a chatline for real and give out his number.

my virgin call went something like this:

*many many advertisements later...*

you are about to begin. please record your 15 second introduction after the *beep* sound. *beep*

hi, i'm XXX and this is the first time i'm calling in. i'm an easy going person, so please feel free to drop me a message.

thank you. please press 3 to begin listening to introductions from other people online.

*heavy breathing with a barely audible voice* hi girls....any horny girls out there wanna chat? *more breathing*

after tons of such breathy messages...

"you have a message"

finally!!! someone decent decided to respond to me! excitedly, i awaited my message.

"hi... you said you were easy going.... just how easy are you?"





undeterred, i tried again, this time with a friend.

"hi i'm mary and i like gardening and clubbing so pls drop me a message."

you have a message

"hi why are you calling a chatline if you're married?"


married? since when was i married? i ask my friend.
he must have misheard mary as married la.

i wanted to respond with
"why are you calling a chatline if you're hard of hearing?"

but my friend refused to entertain stupid people so that was the end of my second and last chatline attempt.