that's why

i have been thinking about mas selamat quite a bit lately. it's hard not to, with his face plastered everywhere in all forms and images.

i cannot help but wonder how he managed to escape, especially since singapore has always prided herself on her security. it is a mystery indeed, more so if you consider how selamat devoted his entire life to his religion, and hence should be very pious and follow islamic teachings faithfully. if left to his own devices, selamat should have been very happy and contented with his free food and lodging.

and that was when i came up with my theory. it's a conspiracy, i tell you. taxi uncles have pooled all their meagre savings to bribe the poor dude standing guard outside selamat's jail, so that a national panic and fear of taking public transport would drive a mad scramble for taxis. their conversation went like this:


eh hock ar, lately you got earn enough a not?

you say leh? government make our fare so ex, who want to take our rides? we old uncles already somemore.

ya la, i also. now i see those drunk kia also must pick up, vomit all over my car.

cannot la, lidat..

*chorus of agreement and serious nods from other taxi uncles at the Board of Taxi Uncles meeting*

ai ya, but what to do? public transport cheap and good, can even get to smell other people's armpits and b-yo zhar bo on their way to work, who want to take taxi? unless some mrt kenna bomb la. den all the kiasi singaporean won't dare to take mrt liao. take mrt, later ma-ti.

*enlightenment sets in on the face of one exceptionally bright taxi uncle who didn't grow up in singapore*



the rest is history.

yepz. the reason why mas selamat hasn't been found despite our tightest security measures and largest airbus a380 and latest singapore flyer is that he's having a whale of a time taking turns doing sleepovers at taxi uncles' houses. selamat= happy

that's why 4.5 million pairs of eyes couldn't spot him. and that's why he didn't get washed out in a landslide caused by soil erosion despite recent heavy rainfalls.